So, I read Feministe on a regular basis. A new guest blogger arrived this week named mai'a, and yesterday I saw that her first post was about the right of children to inhabit public spaces. Being a frequent Feministe reader, I've seen what happened on some of the other occasions when this topic has been broached in the feminist blogoshpere. All I could think was: Wow, she went for it. She opened the door to the Child-hatred Vortex. Brace for comments!
Just to make sure it gets said: what mai'a wrote was excellent. I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it so much that I even attempted to comment, but then I saw the comment count: 320 comments in less than 4 hours. Of course I started reading them, because I'm perverse, and I saw basically the same sentiments I saw in the comment threads on all those previous posts. The same anger, entitlement, fear, arrogance, and self-righteousness...the same distortions, exaggerations, misconceptions, and false equivalencies. Seeing it all out on display again, I realized I had two things I really wanted to say.
Before I dive in, I want to make some clear distinctions about rights, responsibilities, and morality.
When I talk about rights, I'm referring to fundamental freedoms to do or not do certain things, which I believe to be approximately universal. Por ejemplo, all people have the right to bodily autonomy. These rights may or may not be codified by law, depending on where you are.
When I talk about responsibilities, I mean what is necessary to act in a way that contributes to a healthy and joyful society. Responsibilities may not be legally mandated, and I'm not saying they should be. What I am saying is, when you do not meet your responsibilities you are not supporting, and may be actively inhibiting, the emergence of a healthy and joyful society. This does not make you an intrinsically bad person, but it does mean that your actions are negatively impacting your fellow human beings. Example: people have a responsibility not to use hateful, derogatory language. I have a tendency to use the word "retarded" as an insult, and when I do I'm not fully meeting my responsibilities to my community. I'm harming myself, and others. I'm a work in progress.
OK, with those definitions in hand, here are two assertions that I think are at the heart much of the uproar over child rights.
1. You do not have the right to child-free public spaces.
This statement covers parks, post-offices, airplanes, conferences, etc. To a somewhat lesser degree, it covers restaurants, bars, theaters, and other venues that are privately owned and operated but open to the public. Yes, certain behaviors are not appropriate in certain places. That's why we discourage, or even outright ban, those behaviors. Not whole groups of people who have a reputation for sometimes engaging in those behaviors. Full stop. (A similar statement applies to venues that are not safe for people with certain characteristics, although really no public space has any excuse to be unsafe for all short people, or all people with limited fine motor control, or all people who do not speak or understand a specific language.)
2. You have a responsibility to connect to and interact with all ages and classes of people in your society, to the best of your ability.
This is getting at people who say "I don't like kids." You have the right to say that, and to act on it by avoiding interacting with children to the best of your ability. However, it is my assertion that such behavior harms you and the others in your community. By holding that attitude, you are hurting me. You don't get to "not like kids" without ever facing criticism for the consequences.
Now, you may have a desire and intention to connect with children, but be prevented by physical circumstances, or money, or legal restrictions, or any other number of things. We all have many battles to fight and only so many resources. I have the urge to insert a raft of caveats and disclaimers here to ward off misdirected arguments, but that's not really the point.
The point is that you understand and value connection with people of all ages, and seek it out when you can.
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